Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
