booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
