talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
