I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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