The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
