I smell stomach acid.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
