Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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