Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
