I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
