they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
