real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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