Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
