This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize