Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
