Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
