I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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