guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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