if you like me you must not know who I am
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
