I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
