Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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