She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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