He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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