I need help removing her.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
