You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
