whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
