I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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