onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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