The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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