His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
3pm strippers are depressing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
