this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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