I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
