Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
