forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
