Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize