I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
