I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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