Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you didnt know i had herpes?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
