there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
