Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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