You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
