did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
