Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
