i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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