Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
