im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
