And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
