My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
