So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
