its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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