dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
