just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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