Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
