I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
