My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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