Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
