and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
