If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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