I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
