Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
