I didn't shave. On purpose
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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