Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize