you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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