you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
