My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
