I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
