I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
