Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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