Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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