when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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