At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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