Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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