Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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