Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
